A clarification on the importance of friends.

So, after such a gushing, sappy, somewhat corny vow of thanks to my friends, they have proven themselves to be nothing but jackasses.

I called friend #1 at his office the other day. He answered the phone and identified himself. I then identified myself and asked how he was doing. To which he replied, "Well, number 1 is doing just fine."

It took me a few seconds to catch on to his meaning. Then it all became clear.

My friends. Those who I have put my confidence in. Those who I rely on. Those who I can count on to be there for me.

They simply took my little bit of gratitude and turned it into a popularity contest.

So I say to my friends, "You guys suck."

#1 now feels he has something to hang over the heads of #2 and #3. #3 now feels he is the bottom of the barrel, and consoles himself by saying, "He must have saved the best for last." #2 has been strangely quiet, perhaps happy with his unintentionally labeled station in life.

So to these 3 idiots I say this: You guys are idiots. I still love ya, but you are idiots.

Thanks for tuning in.