Feb 11, 2009

Lessons in life are taught at night (at least this night)

Today I learned a small lesson. I can't control everything. I guess this seems like an obvious statement, and some might even call me ridiculous for making such a statement (or at least waiting until I am 32 years old to figure it out).

For this lesson, I thank two of my friends. They don't even know they were involved in this little bit of learning that is simply part of life. There wasn't an argument, there wasn't a differing of opinions. But two friends acted as they saw fit, and Wife and I were there to take the brunt of it because we made a simple decision.

I don't hold any ill will towards my friends. And as the aftermath of this whole, silly thing is yet to be determined, again I realize, I can't control everything.

Friendships have a funny way of effecting people. We strive to be good friends. We are honest, we are compassionate to the needs of others, and we care for those that are close to us. We hope that our friends strive for the same.

Sometimes we make decisions that effect our friends. Some times these decisions make everyone happy. Sometimes these decisions make everyone unhappy. Sometimes, it is a little bit of both.

An old saying comes to mind, "Damned if you do, damned if you don't." I spent a good deal of my night, upon learning of this little lesson-to-be, being frustrated. I wanted to call my friends, and speak my mind (which probably would have only made things worse). Wife, thank goodness, was there to keep me in check. We talked about the issue at hand, and simply decided we can't control how others feel or act, nor should we judge them for their feelings or actions. Perhaps there were some false expectations set. Perhaps there were some hopes that were high then dashed to pieces. This wasn't our intention. If this was the case, for that we are sorry.

So the end result is this: I let go of my frustration about the whole thing. Wife and I made a decision based on our needs, not the needs of others. And as it turns out, our own decision has had an effect on others. I don't claim to be a social psychologist, but I can say that our decision has ruffled a few feelings. But we here in our house make decisions that are best for us. And we made the decision that we did. This is something we can control.

How others feel about it is beyond our control. So to those that are unhappy, I say this: I'm sorry you feel this way, but you have to respect that we are doing whats right for us and not necessarily anyone else. I am comfortable with this.

I certainly don't wake up in the morning wondering how I can upset my friends. But unfortunately this happens from time to time.

I simply do my best to avoid such a thing.


  1. Friends are special and worth working out problems with. We hope it's better for all of you soon!

  2. AMEN ADAM!!! Well said! I hope that your friends will respect you for your honor and honesty, your integrity and for standing your ground even when others may not see what you see in the same way. It's all about being true to you, if others become offended it is their choice, not yours, nor ever (likely) your intention. Thanks for the post Adam, I hope it reaches all the right people!

  3. Sometimes in life you just have to look inward and decide what's right for yourself. I agree that this may not be what others expect and desire, but that's part of what makes life so interesting. We all have a different perspective and that should be respected.
    Kudos to you for your good intentions in not meaning to offend others. After all, that's the best any of us can do.

  4. Ruffled feathers.............
    Did you know that the peacock ruffles its feathers during mating season. So maybe those ruffled feathers were just my immense affections for two of my bestfriends. Just the sadness of all the margaritas and pina coladas we won't be enjoying together. No hard fealings and stop being so damn sensitive.


You went to all the trouble to get yourself here, you might as well say something about it.

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