Apr 21, 2008

A little venting.

This morning I got up, showered, shaved and dressed myself for work. I even had a few bucks in my pocket so I stopped in at the Starbucks and got myself a hot beverage. Then I came to work. This is not really anything different than my normal routine. In fact, take out the Starbucks and it is my morning, every morning.

Then I came to the office at 5:45 for the beginning of my shift. And the oddest thing happened. I found myself short tempered, in fact I think I was nearly angry. And for the life of me I could not figure out why. In fact, while I am writing this, I still can't seem to figure out why. But I think there are a few triggers that have put me in the place I am at.
  1. Its been over a month and a half since I started trying to deal with this ankle issue of mine. I have called every day, in hopes of a sooner appointment, to no avail. I realize this is not the fault of the people who coordinate such issues, but it is frustrating none the less. I work in a profession when I don't sit at a desk very much. So to be on a modified duty status is actually cumbersome to the rest of the office. Someone has to make up for the job I am unable to do. This by itself is frustrating, because I don't like people to have to take up my slack. I feel like I am letting people down. When things aren't going right for someone else, I feel like they are looking at me with some amount of anger about the fact that they are dealing with the mess I am avoiding.
  2. Unanswered questions bug me. Being somewhat unsure of the outcome ahead of me bugs me. I think that there is a surgery coming is inevitable, and something I have accepted. The extent of the work that will be needed is my biggest concern. 20 years ago, the surgeon who did the work on my ankles said the work he did would only last about 10 years. So I have milked an extra ten years out of it, which seems pretty good. But now, having sat over a month waiting to see the one person who is in charge of my fate, the unanswered questions weigh pretty heavily on my mind. Again, this is no one's fault. It is simply the circumstance I am in, and all I can do it wait it out.
  3. Last, the system here for medical treatment is somewhat frustrating. To see one person you have to get a referral from another person. It went like this: I saw urgent care, then I saw my doctor who referred me to the radiologist. Once I saw the radiologist I referred back to my own doctor, who said, "Yep, your ankle is screwed up and its beyond the scope of what I do." He then referred me to an orthopedist. Now, once I see this guy, who knows what will happen. I just hope he doesn't say anything about waiting for another month before we can do anything.

So, these are my woes. They really aren't earth shattering, nor do I think my perspective on life is going to change dramatically because of enlightenment that comes from going through trials of any sort. I think mainly, in this case, I am simply putting my woes to paper (or HTML code in this case) as a sort of therapeutic release. I see the doctor tomorrow at 9 am. Hopefully I end up with some sort of resolution. At the very least, a hope of some sort of plan of action.


  1. Hey VOR: I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and hope you leave your appt. with an action plan. I know Iver is thinking about you too. Aside from the frustration of the medical system, which I personally think is absolutely disfunctional and completely not user friendly, there is the discomfort and pain that you are living with which eats at the strongest of people, and not being able to do what you want to be doing. No, it's not earth shattering or orbit stopping, but it becomes like a thorn you can't get out and certainly does not help a person's mood or outlook. Hang in there. We love you. Hope you'll have a chance to post tomorrow after your appt. Janine

  2. Glad your doctor appt is finally here!!! For the first time in my life, I have insurance that doesn't require "referrals". I can go to any doctor I want as long as they take my insurance... but... the insurance coverage I have now is dramatically less in terms of $$ than my previous coverage. Recently, I went to an allergist and got the news about my allergies that will plague me as long as I live here, but the cost of getting allergy shots is more than my coverage will pay for, so a substansial amount will have to come out of my pocket if I want to have that kind of treatment. Honestly, I wish I was back in my HMO insurance... it would have been worth it to wait for the time it takes to process the referral and then hear the doctor say, "oh yes, your insurance will pay for all of this...." Sigh... but don't get me started on Nationalized Health Care and the red tape nightmares that could create....

  3. Adam, Dad and I know your frustration and I remember Dr. Mink saying that the surgery would only last about 3-4 years. It is amazing that it has lasted this long. But there is nothing more frustrating than waiting, waiting and waiting some more. My achilles tendonitis and now the mechanical problem with my knee caps has created more problems over the last year and a half than I ever thought I would have to deal with. And a lot of it was dealing with trying to get the "next referral appt." to get some help.
    We love you. Can we help? Love Mom


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