Then I came to the office at 5:45 for the beginning of my shift. And the oddest thing happened. I found myself short tempered, in fact I think I was nearly angry. And for the life of me I could not figure out why. In fact, while I am writing this, I still can't seem to figure out why. But I think there are a few triggers that have put me in the place I am at.
- Its been over a month and a half since I started trying to deal with this ankle issue of mine. I have called every day, in hopes of a sooner appointment, to no avail. I realize this is not the fault of the people who coordinate such issues, but it is frustrating none the less. I work in a profession when I don't sit at a desk very much. So to be on a modified duty status is actually cumbersome to the rest of the office. Someone has to make up for the job I am unable to do. This by itself is frustrating, because I don't like people to have to take up my slack. I feel like I am letting people down. When things aren't going right for someone else, I feel like they are looking at me with some amount of anger about the fact that they are dealing with the mess I am avoiding.
- Unanswered questions bug me. Being somewhat unsure of the outcome ahead of me bugs me. I think that there is a surgery coming is inevitable, and something I have accepted. The extent of the work that will be needed is my biggest concern. 20 years ago, the surgeon who did the work on my ankles said the work he did would only last about 10 years. So I have milked an extra ten years out of it, which seems pretty good. But now, having sat over a month waiting to see the one person who is in charge of my fate, the unanswered questions weigh pretty heavily on my mind. Again, this is no one's fault. It is simply the circumstance I am in, and all I can do it wait it out.
- Last, the system here for medical treatment is somewhat frustrating. To see one person you have to get a referral from another person. It went like this: I saw urgent care, then I saw my doctor who referred me to the radiologist. Once I saw the radiologist I referred back to my own doctor, who said, "Yep, your ankle is screwed up and its beyond the scope of what I do." He then referred me to an orthopedist. Now, once I see this guy, who knows what will happen. I just hope he doesn't say anything about waiting for another month before we can do anything.
So, these are my woes. They really aren't earth shattering, nor do I think my perspective on life is going to change dramatically because of enlightenment that comes from going through trials of any sort. I think mainly, in this case, I am simply putting my woes to paper (or HTML code in this case) as a sort of therapeutic release. I see the doctor tomorrow at 9 am. Hopefully I end up with some sort of resolution. At the very least, a hope of some sort of plan of action.